


first love, last love

by jayanti



Category: Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Cancer, Diary, F/M, Letters, shawnxreader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 06:52:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15528618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayanti/pseuds/jayanti
Summary: in which a girl falls in love with a boy over and over again





	first love, last love

you were my first love.

i fell in love with you,

i was 8, you were 9

i remember you looking at me, over and over

i thought you might like me too

i was right

i guess i just never really looked into it

-

i was 9, you were 10

i remember your birthday. 

you invited me

i felt special

once again

i fell in love with you

but i guess i just never looked into it.

-

i was 10, you were 11

you asked me to come to your house, to make homework

blind me, thinking it was innocent

but then you kissed me

i fell in love for the third time

and i kept thinking you did it by accident

i guess i just never looked into it.

 

-

i was 11, you were 12

i remember you leaving school

i was frightened

would i ever see you again?

that is when i remembered i still was in love with you

forth love i guess

but i never really looked into it.

-

i was 12, you were 13

i remember almost forgetting you

i remember going to that new big school

i knew nobody

and then i spotted you

you smiled

and then i remembered my love for you

but i never really looked into it

silly me.

 

-

i was 13, you were fourteen

it all went downhill 

i kept going to the hospital.

why?

there was nothing wrong with me, was there?

but you came to visit me 

every week

you kissed me again

oh shawn, i thought it was out of guilt

i guess i just never looked into it.

-

i was 14, you were 15

i heard i had cancer

you were the first one to hear it from me

i remember you crying over the phone

i guess i finally began to see it

you actually cared about me

but i never really looked into it

 

-  
i was 15, you were 16

you started singing songs

on this platform called ''vine'' (rip)

all of them, you dedicated to me

oh how i loved you

and oh how you loved me too.

but i guess, i still didn't quite look into it yet

 

-

i was 16, you were 17

i was in critical conditions.

i could die at any moment

you came visit me every day

you kissed me every day

you confessed your love

every day

i guess i finally started to look into it

-

i am 17, you are 18

i guess this is it then.

if you are reading this, 

i have probably died.

i tried fighting off for so long

too long

too many pain

im giving up

im asking them to take me off my air, medicines, you know

but i need to tell you

shawn mendes.

never stop singing.

never stop anything

live your life

remember me, please.

i love you

and i know you love me back

with love, me.

**Author's Note:**

> oml i wrote this in an hour, like so random
> 
>  
> 
> thank you inspiration, because i actually quite like it.
> 
>  
> 
> <3 -jay


End file.
